Sister Act

Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, here’s what you do, say nothing evil or hurtful; snub evil and cultivate good; pursue peace for all you’re worth.

At the age of 12 I found myself in boarding school. It was an all-girls school run by Catholic nuns. We followed a strict regime, punctuated by punishment for any deviation from set rules. For some reason rules seemed to break when I was around.

I was always in trouble!

The nuns were strict, they were tough disciplinarians. They taught me structure, they taught me rules and they introduced me to Jesus. As a teenager however, I hated them and felt they were mean. I decided that their meanness was as a result of the fact that they had chosen to be celibate!  Well, that’s how my sisterhood friends and I worked it out in our heads anyway. It didn't matter the real reason, we had found the answer to world peace.

I have come to understand that celibacy is the life the nuns chose as an expression of their faith. Whether you understand it or not, whether you know some who may have lived in apparent hypocrisy or not, I guess you've got to  respect it. It’s a choice, life is full of choices. 

It’s not that bad.

Looking back, I wish I had totally embraced that journey, its experience not only impacted me positively but it also shaped the person I am today. I still clean like the nuns are coming to inspect.

I had never been away from home for any given period of time when I found myself in what we called a boarding house with 24 other girls. Honestly not sure I survived with all those female hormones in the same place at the same time.

I was paired with a girl I had known since I was four which was some consolation in the new environment I was in. We shared a bunker, I took the top bed she took the bottom. I had heard rumours the boarding house was haunted by a lady walking around in stilettos heels, a little bit like in the horror movies, they named her schooner girl.  Schooner was a type of stiletto.  To cope with the supposed situation I reminded myself we were Catholic. I had watched the exorcist; we were the good guys. The good guys always win in the end, well at least in the movies they do.

Sometime during the first few months we encountered what I can only describe as the total wrath of a nun!  It was raining one night coupled with strong winds.  From a distance I heard what I can describe as the sound of heals connecting with slab.  The tapping seemed to be coming closer to where I was. My friend had heard it too and we were nearly wetting ourselves or passing out with fear whichever of the two. We made an executive decision to sleep in the same bed.   

Big mistake, we were Catholics, we were in an all-girls school and we had just decided to sleep in the same bed! I can still hear the nuns screeching at us and my muscles still hurt from the punishment inflicted on us for this massive error of judgement. In our fearful situation, intent meant nothing to the nuns. I, however still think the decision we took in the face of walking stiletto woman was genius. I will never be sure whether schooner girl really existed or not and whether on that night it was rain water that may having been dripping down a drain pipe or something.

I have learnt to embrace the power of now, there is wealth in my boarding school experience, it set the building blocks of what my life is today.  I now with the benefit of hindsight love my experience with matching passion to how I hated it whilst there at times~ it didn't change, I did.

The undiscovered is not in the distant future, it is contained within what is right in front of us.

Check Mate

The richness of Africa lies in the bedrock of its diverse culture.

Does it have to be this way?

I somewhat believe children are moulded by the family culture into which they are born. There are certain cultures in my country of birth that are either matrilineal or patrilineal. This simply means, among many other things, that a couple’s children are either the mother’s or the father’s entire responsibility. My father’s culture was matrilineal, meaning I was my mum’s entire responsibility, whilst my mother’s was patrilineal meaning the total opposite. I was stuck in the middle, caught up in the vortex! 

Although this practice has evolved in the newest of generations, my father’s relatives chose to exercise their perceived right to this culture when dealing with me and my siblings. 
From their perspective, it meant my siblings and I had no business expecting any parental support emotional or otherwise from my father.  My dad was responsible, according to them, for my paternal aunt’s children - sounds crazy right? I spent many years fighting this!

I remember a group of them coming to my mother’s house when my parents had separated to demand of my mother that my siblings and I were to stop spending time with my father as the general consensus was we were draining my father’s resources. You've got to laugh or maybe admire a little the audacity to pull off such a request.

I struggle to capture in a few words the effect this treatment had on how I saw myself. Rejection is fertile, it breeds, at that time it was already beginning to give birth to insecurity babies.  I spent my life trying to shrink myself, trying to become something that I thought people would approve of. In my mind I needed to be a little bit quieter, a little bit less sensitive, and a little bit less opinionated. I needed to be the right level of needy and definitely a lot less of crazy. Gradually I developed an emotional hard exterior to protect myself from the hurt. I developed a ring of resolve and a quiet voice internally began to say to the situation - I will bypass you!

I did.

My life is not a finished story, it's a jigsaw puzzle still being put together; Check Mate allows me to confront just one of the pieces.  I often think I wish I knew then what I know now, that our lives are much more than the memories of our experiences and maybe all that is required, is the art of embracing ourselves. I'd given my family too much power. 

Trusting me

Healthy relationships feel good, they feel right, they don’t hurt, they’re not painful and they definitely don’t make you paranoid.  I suspect there are people all over the world who are like me, struggling with friendships, bound by the complexities of relationships that probably are calling for a separation. Life puts a requirement on us to reduce or eliminate contact with people that suffocate us, bring misery as opposed to happiness. Life requires that we check those in our lives that do not reflect or allow us to be who we aspire to be.  

My father has since passed, he would have been proud of who I have become. I hold no resentment, I have a good relationship with some of my family, sometimes forgiveness demands it. 
It is what it is.

Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture………..