Measure Up

.....Do not consider its appearance or its height

Measure up

There is largely pressure to “stack up” in life. We feel as if there is something wrong with us if, for example, we don’t make a certain amount of income, don’t have a large social circle, or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. The list could truly go on forever.

As people I suspect we struggle with the thought that we are not good enough most of the time, the fear of not being good enough is one of the deepest and fundamental fears that rages within.

If you listened close enough, you usually would hear one primary question;

Why do I suck?

Life is usually driven by measurements of things and people around us, it’s part of a peoples DNA. Our lives are sometimes defined by these moments. We size up on the outside and forget to size up on the inside, on the things that really matter.

What is important anyway?

I have come to learn, there is more to people than what we see; there should be otherwise as humans if the outside is all we quantify we would be pretty limited. The thing is, I know what brands you wear but what's in you? I know what qualifications you hold but show me the measure of what's inside of you.  The lesson for me has been to measure HOW much and not how MANY!

I have learnt you can’t compare your way into progressing yourself, the people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too. The assessment of ourselves (and even others) can make us miss opportunities.  The size of the opponent must never outweigh the size of the opportunity!

Hey Hello Sailor!

I was in the university library when I saw him, not hooked up to the latest crowds or famous for driving borrowed cars, not measured up by society standards just for carrying his daddy’s name, but he caught my eye.

I had an unexplained mission in the library that day; I didn’t have any particular affinity for the library as a method of study. I sort of subscribed to the method of studying whilst laid down on my bed. At this current stage of my life, I feel I have a responsibility to say - for all you university students reading this, this mode of study is not recommended for you!!!

I saw him across levels of study books; I saw what the younger generation will call some “buff ting”!  In that moment the library took on a new meaning.

I made it my mission accidentally, on purpose, to “bump” into him from that day.
I figured you can’t ignore a face that pops up behind bookshelves and library desks, eventually you will have to succumb!

He did.

I saw what you couldn’t see with your eyes, I saw what was within and what could be. I saw what you could not measure with your eyes, but weigh with your heart. I saw the person within.

I had a bizarre desire to open up to him about my dad. Around that time my father happened to have a mental health crisis and was sectioned in the city’s mental health hospital.

I asked him if he would go with me to see my dad at the mental hospital.  Just like that no warning no prep talk, no explanation, I sprung it on him.  He agreed to come no questions asked, although slightly stunned.  He kept me company on our way there, waited for me outside as I visited my dad. He kept me company on my way back calm, stable and silent.

His action in that moment spoke to my shame, spoke to my insecurities, it spoke to my brokenness; it said to me this doesn’t define you, this is not who you are, you tower above this. It was in that moment that I knew I would marry this guy.

Poor thing, he had no idea.

You better measure what’s within - Twenty years later? I still do!

Dancing Queen

...... But continuously be transformed by the renewing of your minds

Most things are a predicament when you are teenager, self-inflicted pressure to be popular. Stop and think about the people you once tried hard to impress, makes you want to laugh doesn't it? Keep that in mind!

Mama to the rescue

Like many of my friends growing up I wasn't allowed to go to parties. It didn't matter what party it was, day party, night party, any gathering really that included the opposite sex was out of bounds.

When I was 17 I remember getting tired of hearing stories about how much fun some of my friends were having when they went out to parties. Looking back I am unsure these stories were true as there weren't very many friends going out to parties at that age to be honest, my parents weren't there only vicious parents in town!

Curiosity got the better of my friend and I, we were convinced life was happening at these parties and if we wanted to become accepted in the 'it' crowd, well this was the place we had to be. We decided we would sneak out of our homes whilst our parents were asleep and experience the “night lights”. I snuck out that night dressed in borrowed clothes from my mother’s closet (she would later call this stealing). 

The disco was in full swing, it was everything we had imagined, or so we thought, loud music bright lights and unfortunately for my parents loads of the opposite sex around! I was on the dance floor dancing to every song that came on.  Mid body lock (yes we had body popping moves in my days too) I heard the Disc Jockey over a very funky beat call out my name to go to the Disc Jockeys booth.

I looked across and froze, something instantly knotted in the pit of my stomach - sheer terror! Don’t ask me how she knew but my mother had driven to the night club, in her night attire complete with head wrap, she passed the door bouncers, walked into the nightclub with one mission in mind, to retrieve her daughter. I will cut a long story short, it was a long ride home dressed in “borrowed” clothes.

Mission accomplished

If I were given an opportunity to speak to my teenage self I would say:

All you need to be beautiful, respected, honoured, and accepted is already in you. It may not seem like it, you will see clearer when you adjust your focus. 

Pay close attention to the things that really matter and you will attract things of substance.  Fight against the addiction to self- not everything is a reflection of you!

You better trust that if you don’t have it, it’s because you aren't ready for it. Don’t chase what feels right, chase what makes you better.

I'd say to her be patient; your destination is not all that, enjoy the journey, you will wish that time would have slowed down. 

I'd warn her; it’s inevitable you will lose yourself along the way. You can’t always do things right, but no one else does either. Find your true identity and watch, when you do “they” will still be looking for the old you. Remind yourself constantly you are not who they say you are.

Choose the voices that speak to your soul, if it speaks death it will eventually kill you.

And finally I’d say girl, just because its glittery doesn't mean you have to pick up the shovel and start looking for gold.

It’s near impossible to learn a lesson you believe holds no value, there are lessons in everything and everyone.